Hello, I am HOPELESS. Not hopeless hopeless, but HOPELESS. Let me tell you exactly what I mean.
H is for the happiness that continues to elude me. For all those tears that ain’t from joy. For every drop of sweat that dehydrates me but fails to feed my goals. H is for happiness that seems to be impossible for me.
O is for overthinking that continues to destroy me. Every line of thought twisting in one giant mess of a knot. Every innocent scene warping into something embarrassing, painful or sad. O is for overthinking that always seems to keep me up at night.
P is for paranoia-like feelings that trap me. Because of this I push people away, even those who genuinely care for me. Better to be safe than sorry, I guess? Better to be hurt by my own foolish thoughts than by the actions of people I trusted. P is for the paranoia-like feelings that I want to get rid off.
E is for ennui which is me. It means lack of spirit, enthusiasm or interest. Do I need to say more? E is for ennui which I do not want to be.
L is for life that always seems to get in the way. After falling down seven times, and standing up eight, life gives me more reasons to stay down nine times heavier than the one that caused me to fall. L is for life that I don’t even know if I want to live anymore.
E is for ephemeral which is how long I am hoping for this feeling to last. Every minute I spend cloaked in this feeling only seems to make it harder to take off. And it’s getting heavier by second. E is for ephemeral that seems to be long over due.
S is for sadness that eats me up. Tearing me apart and shattering me to pieces. When will this melancholic life end? When will all this sorrow go away? S is for sadness that seems to loom behind me everywhere I go.
And S is for smile I wear that is both a blessing and a curse. Blessing because it provides me a mask that I can wear for everyone to see, a mask I can use to fool everything and everyone, even myself. Curse? Because of the very same reason.
I am hopeless.
06/19/2017 3:00 pm|| 06/19/2017 7:03 pm
Artwork by Sabrina Anne Ricarte.
Ok, so this post stemmed from my THS entry today titled “Hopeless” which you can check out (and I hope you do. Get it? Hope. Hehe) here. You could say it wasn’t intentional, but hey, it worked out so I guess that’s fine.
Oh, and don’t ask me how this became too melancholic because I really don’t know either. I just found myself writing it this way then *bam*. Before I knew it, I was finished. Haha.
Fair warning, the next one won’t be very light either. Sorry, guys, but I am melancholic in nature so…
Anyway, see you next time! Here’s may fave sticker Piyomaru cheering you up from this hopeless post!
P.S. He is saying “ganbare!” which means “hang in there!” in Japanese.