To the girl that he loves now,
I really, really tried to get to him. I wanted him to be happy because he is one of those people who truly deserve happiness. He has gone through so much pain and endured so much sorrow. I thought it was time for him to experience what was constantly evading him–happiness in love.
It was always slipping from his grasp.
That is, until he met you.
It was foolish and naive and arrogant of me to think that I would be the one that could bring him happiness.
If I were the one, then I never would have witnessed all his sadness due to heartbreak. I wouldn’t have found him over-thinking all the things he might have done wrong. I wouldn’t have noticed the tears he was desperately trying to hide. And I wouldn’t have watched him blame himself for destroying something as precious as his friendship with someone else.
I wouldn’t have been able to observe all of this if I were the one, because if I were, he would already have been happy.
But I was not the one who could fill the hole in his heart.
To him, I was just a good friend he can rely on. I was a painkiller. Someone whom he can share his thoughts and ideas with so that he’d feel a bit better. But painkillers are not cures. I could never be a cure for him.
I was just a good friend.
But somehow, ironically enough, I am happy that I was just a friend.
I got to see him under a different light. I got to see a side of him that he usually keeps hidden.
And maybe these parts were the reason why I grew to love him more. I was happy that I was able to help ease even just a bit of his pain as a friend he can count on. And all this is thanks to our friendship which I really want to keep and which I really treasure. I endangered it far enough with these feelings of mine and I don’t want to cause him any more “trouble”. That’s one of the things I really don’t want to do.
So now, I am giving up.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not doing this because I don’t love him anymore. I am doing this because I love him that much.
And I am doing this because I know that he, with you, is at the verge of achieving the type of happiness I wanted him to experience so badly.
It turns out that fate has granted my wish to make him happy. Though as we all know, sometimes it grants it in ways we do not expect. Faith granted my wish. Faith granted my wish through you.
And that is why…
I want to say thank you.
I wish you both nothing less than the best. Though right now, everything might still be misty, I know everything will turn out fine. I know just because. Like how I knew he likes you that Monday morning when I saw you two together.
I am not going to tell you what to do to make him happy. Sincerely speaking, he found that happiness with you, not me, so I think you have a better idea on what to do. Whatever it is, I really do hope that you succeed, for yourself, and for him.
As for me? Well, I think it’s time for me to find my own happiness.
The happiness I wished for him so badly. The happiness I am wishing for you two now. The happiness I am sure, someday, I’ll achieve.
Take care of him, okay?
The girl who has always loved him.
08/20/16 10:02 am || 08/20/16 10:49 am
Artwork by Johanna Venice Aquino
Originally titled To the Girl He Loved