“I want a reset on our relationship.”
The girl said so to the guy she loved and who loved her back. They were in love. Their feelings were true. But not anymore. They accepted this fact. They smiled. They moved on. They remained friends.
This is the exact scenario I played in my head a million times. Wishing that I had the courage to say those words to you. Wishing that you had the courage to accept them. And wishing a better life for both of us.
But I didn’t say them to you. I didn’t mention it to you. I sent signs but you simply waved them off with excuses. I revealed them in my actions but you were to oblivious to see. Or you were afraid to accept what you think you were seeing. I don’t know.
Don’t get me wrong. All those times I told you I was happy with you, I really was. All those times I held your hand, I really did wanted to. All those times I confessed my feelings, I really did feel that way. Did. At that time.
But now… Things have changed. I changed. My feelings… they have changed. I don’t know why. Or how. Or when it started to change. But it did.
And it is driving me mad.
It’s driving me mad, how I don’t feel the butterflies flutter in my stomach every time you text me. The way you text did not change but my feelings toward it did.
It’s driving me mad every time I don’t feel “that feeling” every time you send me a gift or a present. The thoughtful way you choose your gifts didn’t change but how I feel every time I receive something from you did.
It’s driving me mad each time you confess your feelings for me and I start feeling guilty and sad. The subtle way you express yourself did not change but my take on it did.
And sometimes I just can’t take it anymore. I breakdown. And I just want to stop thinking about it altogether. Or stop feeling altogether.
I don’t know what to do anymore. If I really did like you that way, then why am I having second thoughts? If don’t really like you that way, then why am I still holding on?
I want to reset our relationship. Let’s start over. And maybe this time we will know the truth. Maybe this time, we could find a true happy ever after.